When I was younger, my mother would say that I have known my whole life what I wanted to be when I grew up. In fact, one time when my mom was in the grocery store, the local high school football coach saw me, a stockily-built 2 1/2 year old in the shopping buggy and quipped, "Well, what do YOU want to be when you grow up?" (I am certain he was thinking that I would say, "A football player.") I took out my pacifier and said, "A coach."
There have been periods of time in my adult life when I grieved over my unfulfilled ambitions of becoming a professional football strength and speed coach, and other times that I would simply daydream and waste opportunities to bloom where I was planted while I longed for ‘bigger and better things.’ I see now how wasteful I was during those times, and also realize that my emotions were really nothing more than my disappointment with God that His plans weren’t my plans.
In fact, it was not until a few short years ago, when I was dealing with a bitter personal disappointment in addition to the professional ones, that I came across a book, Second Half for the Man in the Mirror, by Patrick Morley, which showed me that my emotions were sin, not simply disappointment. I felt that I knew what I wanted for my life’s work and that my plans should be completed to MY satisfaction in order for me to be fulfilled. Boy, was I wrong!
As parents and educators, we often do that to our own personal children, and to our students as well. In fact, most of the issues that I deal with daily occur because someone has projected onto some child/student/player/teacher/coach/administrator what THEY want or what THEY believe that person should do or be. And even though we are a Christian school, I don’t think we hear nearly enough reference to praying for a child (as a parent or a teacher) to follow God’s calling for their life. This is likely the most subtle yet significant influence that progressive thought has had on us as Christian parents and as a Christian school.
We should never underestimate the influence of the culture in which we live. We have all grown up believing that we control our futures and that we must be accountable for fulfilling our dreams and our goals. Every classroom in America sends the message to the students that “you can be whatever you want to be, if you will just work hard enough.” It sounds inspiring and encouraging. But it is NOT true. God’s sovereignty rules supreme--even over our goals, dreams, and plans.
“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” - Micah 6:8, NIV
Pastor and author Tim Keller calls our attempt to control all of the events and circumstances surrounding ourselves and our children “the Life Control Illusion" (Kellar, 2009). He says, “The Life Control Illusion is drilled into us by the educational system.” It measures worth and achievement by visible and measurable evidence of the natural, with little or no value placed on the spiritual or eternal being. The Life Control Illusion says that hard work is the key to achievement and success in any endeavor one undertakes.
The Life Control Illusion is exemplified by the school teacher who tells their students, “You can be anything you want to in this world, just set your heart on it and go to work.” The boasting of this world is that hard work and perseverance are what bring about the goals we seek. It says that anything is attainable if you just work hard enough.
Applied to family life, the Life Control Illusion is the belief that by working hard and through diligent parenthood, lecture, and guidance, we can dictate the paths our children take toward obedience and worldly success and achievement. In our own wisdom, we believe that we know what is best for our children/students and thus can impose on them our standards and expectations for their achievement of ‘successes.’
Culture has convinced us that we deserve to be happy, to experience peace, to feel protected and safe and that our children deserve the same. Keller says that we as Americans are set-up by a culture that has offered us peace and comfort at an historic level to be the worst sufferers in history. Comfort and safety (and success) have come so easily and readily, that we come to expect it in every area of our lives, including in how our children attain and achieve.
We get caught up in culture’s way of thinking even though we serve a master other than this world. And because of the worldly influence, we fall prey to believe that:
- we control our own destiny.
- “God helps those who help themselves.”
- we can make others (including our children) do what we think they ought to do.
A results-only mindset loses context of the importance of the process. Of course, hard work DOES matter, but we should offer our labor as an act of worship to our God and leave the results up to HIM. Our goal as a school and as parents should be to help our students understand that their effort and diligence should be focused on the process; and that they should be “faithful to their calling as a student.”
I pray that we all would look to embrace the calling that the Lord puts on our lives and embrace His vision of how we live out our days on this earth and that we encourage our children and our students to do the same.
Emory
Morley, Patrick. Second Half for the Man in the Mirror. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1999.
Keller, Tim. Sermon: A Society of Suffering, James 1:1-18. CD. November 22, 2009.